Posted by: mosblog | September 9, 2009

Always something to be done…

For those Moms reading this blog I have a question. How do you find peace and relaxation REGULARLY in your own home when there always seems to be something that needs to be done?

I don’t dwell on it all the time, but every few months I kind of want to freak out because I can’t even sit in my own home and relax. The floor needs to be vacuumed, the kids need help with something, the lawn needs to be mowed, and on and on the list of things goes. Things I could/should be doing rather than just relaxing. And, that’s how my head works. I sit and feel guilty about what else I could be doing. And it’s not like I have to try to think of something. I just look around from where I sit and see all of the things that can be/should be done. It doesn’t matter what time of day or if I just finished cleaning the entire house. There’s ALWAYS something that needs to be done.

So, any thoughts on how to break this? I don’t want a girl’s night out (well, I wouldn’t mind that too), I want to know how to be able to relax and have a peaceful mind IN my own home. With my family. Regularly.

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Responses

  1. Mon, break your leg. Just kidding.

    I think this answer is different for everyone…but this is what works for me and our family.

    I organize my week…mon-thursday. I make a list of what needs to be done….what I’d like to be done. I divide it up according to what the week looks like (events and such). I try to keep my work to the morning time, so that I can be free in the afternoon to really play with my kids. When Kelly gets home I am done. Done. I may fold clothes while watching tv with him…but never anything else. If that means I leave the kitchen until the morning, I do. AND, I don’t feel guilty about it. I feel like this time is mine and Kelly’s to be together and for me to minister to my husband.
    And, I don’t work on Friday (which is my reward) which means I need to have my laundry caught up. I do a 15-30 minute tidy every day. This has worked for me and I have found a rhythm in it.

    Mainly, the pressure that we put on ourselves is just that…pressure that we put on ourselves, not God. He doesn’t care if our house is clean and perfect. He cares that we love him and minister to our husbands and our children. Let yourself of the hook.

    I try and decipher what is conviction and what is guilt. Obviously, conviction is what God puts on our hearts.

    mere

  2. Unfortunately I’m not good at this either. But, kinda like Mere said, if I make a goal of things that need to be done in a day and I tackle those goals then I feel OK…There will ALWAYS be more stuff to do and our kids being the age they are adds to the constant nature of cleaning up…I try and pick out one or two things that absolutely bug me to death and make sure those are always done–for me I HAVE to have the kitchen clean. So I might go through the kitchen 3 or 4 times in a day making sure the dishes are put away and meals are cleaned up.

    Try and schedule in 10 or 15 minute increments during the day where you take a break. I have a friend who always sits down for lunch–takes a break to eat and read.

    I usually take a break right after dinner–Bill helps the boys clear off the table and do most of the cleaning of the kitchen. I take off to our bedroom and check email/facebook etc–and then read or listen to music. (I then go back and finish the kitchen! 🙂

    Your true break times will probably only come into play while Eric is home–but that extra 15 or 20 minutes will make a difference!

  3. I feel your pain! I’ve got the two kids which is perfect! School…I don’t necessarily love but I’m doing it which means staying up until 4 in the morning most mornings to get homework done. I’m semi looking for a job because my husband doesn’t think I do enough. And then there’s the cooking and cleaning. And I’m the same way..I don’t necessarily want to just go out with the girls. I just don’t want to feel guilty about the house being messy when I’m keeping up with my school work or the other way around and it drives me half mad. The bottom line is you can’t please everyone. I look at it like this…..I won’t ever let the house get so destroyed that it’s ridiculous BUT the kids are only going to be this small for…..today! They are what’s important you know! For me my school work has a deadline so I need to get that in even if it means having the husband mad at me for a day or whatever. I feel that if you’re being a good mom than the house can wait! You’ll find time to do the cleaning and the other little stuff but if you need to relax….just do it…. I know easier said than done but seriously just sit down every so often, kick up your feet, breath, read, do whatever it is that you need to do! The healthier and happier you are, the healthier and happier your family will be!!

  4. I’m like the anti-system woman. I try systems and calendars (for cleaning, meal prep, school prep, etc), fail at them and get frustrated. What God is teaching me is not to rely on a system, since that isn’t how I’m wired, but to rely on His priority system and “take every thought captive”. I’ve learned that my brain plays mean tricks on me. Making me think that certain things are more important than they really are. That is when I wrestle that thought to the ground and replace it with what I KNOW to be true. Sitting still for awhile with a cup of coffee doesn’t feel so guilt laden when I’m praying and thanking God for the gift of rest and restoration and dwelling on my blessings. I love you Mon. I miss you!

  5. this is a great blog b/c I struggle with this all the time – when I am home I feel compelled to clean and keep myself busy even if it is 9:30 at night! I don’t know how to “disconnect” myself from this! Dave even tells me I have OCD – maybe becoming a mom brings this out in us!

  6. Wow!! I just happen to check your blog tonight before I hit the hay (until my little 3am wakeup call:-) and….I was JUST venting to Justin about this VERY issue about 2 hours ago! I feel like I have no time to myself to just do something that I enjoy or that I find relaxing…or even just THINK without constant distractions. I’m so blessed to have a super supportive, helpful husband, yet I still feel like I’m barely treading water most days! This two kiddo thing has really thrown me for a loop and showing me how God is refining in me this control issue that I didn’t even know I had! I can totally relate to the feelings you’re talking about regarding ALWAYS having something that you could/should be doing in the realm of our roles as wife, mommy, home manager, friend, etc. I honestly have no input…I’m completely trying to figure this out right now. There HAS to be a balance…even getting in the Word has been such a struggle. From the time I get up in the morning, to the time my head hits the pillow somebody needs me to be doing something. There are some good suggestions in the comments on this post…seems like it struck a chord. I’m in the midst of praying through this one! ..let me know what you come up with. I’ll do the same:-) Luv ya~

  7. It has taken me years, and I mean years, to get Al to relax on the morning of his first day off. The key was removing the guilt from each other. It’s o.k. to sit and read or play scrabble or bake something yummy (which is relaxing for me).
    The key is it is a “no guilt” time. We need it to stay focused the other million hours we have to be on duty.
    One very stressful year when our kids were younger, I was working and Al was self employed we used paper plates for our meals. No dishwashing 🙂 and no guilt!

  8. I’ve been thinking much about this for two days, and feel I’d like to share. Yes, you are incredibly busy now. But, trust me, before you know it, it will be done. The kids will be grown and gone and it happens almost overnight it seems. That is why I would advise you to slow down on ministry now and minister to your family. Soon the time will come when you can buzz through your house in the morning (I call it my M&M’s [minimum morning maintenance] and it will stay like that all day.) When they are gone then you can get involved in ministry without guilt or conflicts. Trying to do too much will burn you out before your time. After that you get too tired for much work, and just wish you had those little ones to sit, hold and snuggle. So, do that now while you can and realize that that is really relaxing.

  9. I love what Phyllis says and totally agree. My ministry right now is first and foremost as a wife and mother.
    As an aside, not quite what you were blogging about, but a friend recently fb’d about not having time to spend with the Father with little ones. My dear friend responded thus “Yes my sweet young mommy friend… make the whole day a session with the Father. See Him and hear Him in everything, especially your little ones… Drown out all unnecessary, unproductive thoughts with Praise and Adoration… Let you babies hear you adoring Him, consulting with Him and communing with Him all day, everyday. You don’t have to be on your knees to have life changing sessions with the Father…..” Isn’t that cool?! I have been trying to do that with Lilla. We play piano and sing together, we sing to our worship songs as we work in the kitchen and we pray as we walk the dog. When the Lord impresses on me people I should pray for, instead of silent prayers I say them outloud so Lilla can hear what it is to have a relationship and be communing with our Father. Just a tip… not very relevant… but hope it helps!


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